I mean completely full
In a give up your dream, it is never going to happen
You will be working for someone else for the rest of your life
Your life is going to be lived for someone else kinda way
UGH!
Fuck you self doubt. FUCK YOU!
23 JanBlah
I keep doing stupid things to myself.
I pull back from people cause somehow I always end up hurt/disappointed.
So I take baby steps, I try getting close to them, I try putting myself out there, I try to make available. I open up and start letting them in again
And sure enough, it happens again
Like finding out your father has had a secret account on FB since 2007 and a whole bunch of people are on there and you just got the friendship request tonight….
So I smile, accept the friends request, shrug my shoulders, lick my wounds and try again tomorrow
09 Jan
Dear Universe
You are coming in loud and clear
I get it
I hear ya
I get it
THANK YOU!
Yours truly, now and forever
Me
08 JanIf you know anything about me
You’ll know I have about as much grace and c0oridation as a bull frog.
So one of the thing I want to concore and defeat this year is a simple pair of high heels. And I’m not talking the clunky once either. Like real high heels.
Some how, someway I am going to wear them and not fall over on my face.
Wish me luck!
07 JanDear Universe
Dear Universe,
We need to talk. I’ve always known you where there. Somehow always just out of my field of vision. Just hiding around the next corner. Always in the background.
You were always there when I sent you little prayers for my friends or loved ones in need. I don’t know if I ever said the words Thank you for those moments, but I’m sure you felt how happy I was for them and please take as my thanks.
Well now dear Universe I’m coming to you for myself, the only problem is I’m to scared to ask for your help. I’m not even sure I know how to. So until I find those words and my courage, please walk beside me and listen to my little prayers. I promise to learn to trust in you and myself for that matter.
You know, I’m pretty sure together we will make a kick ass team!
05 Jan
This isn’t really the theme I want to use, but for the life of me, I can’t get the other theme to work, so this is what it is for now.
So here we are, 2012 and I’m finishing up the last few days of my vacation. The last few days have been spent thinking of what I want out of 2012 and the one thing I know for sure is I do not want another 2011. I spent most of 2011 in some sort of inter turmoil. Most of it not caring. Most of it just going from day to day without living. Most of it disconnected and shut down.
But not 2012
2012 is going to be a good year even if I have to die trying!
I’ve been laying down the ground work for 2012. Lining up my ducks in their pretty little rows.
This year I’m going to be Fearless. I’m not going to hide, no excuses, not going to sugar coat or fluff things up. I’m going to be raw, and open and I’m going to be Fearless every step of the way.
I hope you’ll join me for my journey
20 DecMore testing
Im giving posting from my phone a try
14 DecTesting…..
pI just have to see if this works???/p
16 OctHere roar roar roar
I got done typing out a huge post about where I have been and the bullshit that went along with it
But you want to know something…fuck it all.
This is the short version.
Somewhere within the last 3 months, I lost my roar. I put it down somewhere (probably to look at something new and shiny) and couldn’t find it where I put it. I looked all over. I was so busy looking that I lost touch with the things I love. Like paint on my hands ( it’s been months since I created anything). Like spending time looking at and learning about art. Like walking my dog. I was so busy looking that I let things get out of control (hello art desk I know you are in there somewhere under all that stuff!!)
But I found it again! It was in the last place I looked
(within me)
So with my new/old/lost but now found ROAR back in hand, I am picking up, cleaning out, and redesigning myself.
Stay tuned baby!
19 JulLove and peace
So I’m asking for some love and peace, not for me, but for my baby boy, Mister Boo
Mister Boo is going in tomorrow to have his lil boy troubles taken care of if you know what I mean.
Which in it’ self isn’t bad, and should be a pretty routine thing for any owner. But you see, my Mister Boo has baggage. Lots of baggage.
I got him from a local shelter. Berger Blanc. I got him about a week and a half before the news broke that they were abusing animals in horrible ways. You can read about it here but be warned it is VERY graphic and VERY heartbreaking. I had nightmares from the videos.
I took him to the vet the other day for his shots and the poor thing was so scared he couldn’t move. He laid there in a little ball trying to make himself invisible. His big beautiful eyes looking up saying -please don’t let them hurt me-.
If you could spare just a little thought for my boy between tomorrow and Friday when I can finally bring him home it would mean so much to me. He’s come a long way from when I first got him. He is learning to trust, learning to play, learning how to interact with people and other animals (lol told you my boy had a lot of baggage) he just needs a little extra help to get him pass the next few days.
Thanks!